"Momma, wash your boobies!"
These are the words that greet me as I take a hurried shower. My daughter, Tessa, looks at me with big brown eyes and the gap-toothed smile of a six-year old. I remember a time not so long ago when my shower ritual consisted of choosing just the right shower gel from my collection, exfoliating with a big loofah, and shaving my legs with leisure.
That was then, and this is now. I am amazed at how our lives have changed so drastically, yet all of these new experiences seem so normal, so natural, so meant-to-be. It was a trip to China in December that changed all our lives forever in the most magical and wonderous way. Our hearts had already been in China since September 22nd.
Going to China is amazing in itself. Going to China during Christmas and New Year's Day is nothing short of spectacular. Add to this the adoption of a little girl, and the whole experience is life-changing in the most emotional way imaginable.
We arrived in Beijing after missing our connecting flight in Tokyo. After a night of sleeping in what was meant to be a kimino but felt more like a hospital gown, all I wanted was to go to our hotel for a shower and clean clothes. The rest of our group was already in a historic area of Beijing ready to take a tour in rickshaws, and that's where we found ourselves after leaving the airport. Beijing was cold, and our driver threw a dingy red blanket over our knees (did I mention I'm a germaphobe)and off we went wearing three-day-old underwear and nearly starving. I found a mashed South Beach bar in the bottom of my purse, and as I munched away, huddled under a filthy blanket, I wondered if all this was real or a dream.
A new day brought a fresh perspective, and we were ready to see our daughter's country. China is truly magnificant, and we developed a deep respect and appreciation of its history and culture. As we toured Beijing, I was amazed at the contrasts of old versus new: the Bird's Nest from the Olympics, the Great Wall of China, modern malls with McDonald's, and craftsmen carving the most intricate designs in jade by hand. This is the homeland of my daughter, and while I wanted to absorb every sight and sound, my heart was in Guangzhou where we would finally hold her in our arms and I could whisper, "Wo ai ne" (I love you) into her ear.
On December 21st, we boarded the plane to fly to Guangzhou, and this flight was exceptional. The flight attendants for China Air look like supermodels. Their hair is worn in a chignon, and their royal blue suits look like French couture. Their jackets are close-fitting, just enought to show off a slender figure, and the pencil skirts are just above the knee. Silk scarves are worn around the neck and are tied in the most exquisite, beautiful manner. Watching these girls direct passengers is like watching ballet. Their gestures are graceful, and they are smiling as if serving a plane full of passengers is their greatest pleasure.
Arriving in Guangzhou is a treat, and the tropical weather and palm trees give the feeling of a resort. We are finally here, and tomorrow is Gotcha Day! It's a special night as we eat dinner with our friends, and we acknowledge that the next time we sit down to dinner together, the dynamics will be quite different! I am a bundle of nerves, and I think about a little girl whose life is going to change. She will board a bus from Shenzhen City tomorrow to meet us in Guangzhou. What must be going through her mind tonight?
GOTCHA DAY
This is it. After years of paperwork, waiting, and speculating, our moment has finally arrived. We ride a bus to the government building where we will meet our daughter. Upon arrival we see vans of babies, toddlers, and older children, and they are lined up inside the door as we enter. Our guide tells us not to look at the children or try to find ours as we take the elevator upstairs. The room at the top of the elevator if full of families who have received their children, and it is a sight I will never forget. We are ushered into a small room and told that our children will come in one at a time, two minutes apart. Cameras are poised and traded around as we get ready for the first child, a baby girl whose name is Layla. Tessa will be next, and our guide tells us that she and another little boy want to come in together. I had tried, but nothing could prepare me for this moment. David and I looked and saw a little face peeking around the door. We had sent a little photo album so Tessa would know what we looked like. When she spotted us, her face lit up! She ran to me and gave me the biggest hug, and, just as I imagined it, I whispered, "Wo ai ne" into her ear. We had finally found each other. This was my daughter.
The two young ladies that escorted Tessa gave David and me a little bag full of wonderful momentos: a piece of cut glass, Tessa's school papers, a letter from a teacher, and a few pictures of her and her Social Welfare Institution. These are things we will treasure forever, along with the clothes and the red beaded bracelet she was wearing.
The rest of our time in Guangzhou proved what I already knew to be true. Tessa was a little girl with a sunny personality who was full of love and a huge desire for a momma and papa. She already knew the alphabet and could count in English. She had been beautifully prepared for adoption, and I attribute this, along with her own confidence and happy nature, to be the reasons for a successful transition to her new life.
What a difference a few months can make.
Our days are full of our child's laughter and singing. I'm constantly amazed at how quickly she is learning English and the things she says. While my showers are no longer a spa-like experience, the laughter of hearing my daughter say, "Momma, wash your boobies" greatly outweighs the extinction of leisure. Afternoons will find me outside on the tricycle from my childhood while Tessa tools around in her Tinkerbell car. My knees creak as I kneel to draw our rainbows and butterflies on the driveway, and I am certainly winded after dancing to all 30 songs on Tessa's Disney CD.
I couldn't tell you what's new for spring at Nordstrom's this year, but I can give you a critique of the fashion line at Kelly's Kids and Gymboree. The necklace I wear every day is not my diamond, but the the Chinese symbols for mother and daughter. Being Tessa's mom is the greatest and most important thing I will ever do. Tessa is a blessing and a miracle, and we will always love and honor China for giving us this most precious gift.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Fed Ex delivery man had no clue that the package he casually delivered to our front door was our hope, our dream, our daughter, Tessa. Our LOA came from China via our agency, and it is titled "Letter of Seeking Confirmation from Adopter." It is a beautiful document with an ornate green border and a bold red seal. It states, "You are kindly requested to make your decision," and the wording strikes me as having the same tone I would use to offer a glass of sweet tea to a guest on the front porch swing. It's a striking contrast to my mood as I dance around clutching the letter to my chest until I realize I might crease or bend this precious document. Will the CCAA be able to sense the emphatic nature of the way I put a check mark by the "yes" box? Do they know my heart goes with this letter as we overnight it to our agency?
Tessa's room is nearly ready. The walls are painted a sunny yellow, and her furniture will be here in a couple of weeks. We have stuffed animals and books, but no toothbrush or pajamas! Tessa will need a winter coat; Kentucky winters are cold. She has probably never seen snow. Guangdong is in southern China with a Miami-like climate. Can you picture her face the first time she sees it? We need mittens, boots, and lots of hot chocolate!
The rest of our house is seeing a shift as well. Complete seasons of "Sex and the City" DVDs are moved to remote location and are replaced by "The Little Mermaid" and "Cinderella." Book cases are anchored to the wall (who knows .. she might be a climber). Yes, I have remembered to relocate the liquor and the knives. The dining room table is covered in documents we have to take to China, systematically arranged in the order as the items in our check list.
Tessa's appointment with the International Children's Clinic in Lexington has been arranged, and she will have a pediatrician who specializes in children of international adoption. We are fortunate to have such a resource less than an hour's drive from our home. Kindergarten has also been arranged at a church less than fifty yards from our back door. We will have to wait and see about when she might start attending.
There is really going to be a little girl at our house! Santa will come at Christmas time, and we will have slumber parties and go to Disneyworld. There will be tears and tantrums and the drama and angst that I have witnessed as a professional. Only this time I will experience these things as a mom, and I have the feeling that it will make all the difference in the world!
Tessa's room is nearly ready. The walls are painted a sunny yellow, and her furniture will be here in a couple of weeks. We have stuffed animals and books, but no toothbrush or pajamas! Tessa will need a winter coat; Kentucky winters are cold. She has probably never seen snow. Guangdong is in southern China with a Miami-like climate. Can you picture her face the first time she sees it? We need mittens, boots, and lots of hot chocolate!
The rest of our house is seeing a shift as well. Complete seasons of "Sex and the City" DVDs are moved to remote location and are replaced by "The Little Mermaid" and "Cinderella." Book cases are anchored to the wall (who knows .. she might be a climber). Yes, I have remembered to relocate the liquor and the knives. The dining room table is covered in documents we have to take to China, systematically arranged in the order as the items in our check list.
Tessa's appointment with the International Children's Clinic in Lexington has been arranged, and she will have a pediatrician who specializes in children of international adoption. We are fortunate to have such a resource less than an hour's drive from our home. Kindergarten has also been arranged at a church less than fifty yards from our back door. We will have to wait and see about when she might start attending.
There is really going to be a little girl at our house! Santa will come at Christmas time, and we will have slumber parties and go to Disneyworld. There will be tears and tantrums and the drama and angst that I have witnessed as a professional. Only this time I will experience these things as a mom, and I have the feeling that it will make all the difference in the world!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Our Girl!
Our adoption journey began July 12, 2006. Before this day we were just Paula and David, married twenty-eight years and perfectly happy with no children. As a high school English teacher, and later a librarian, I enjoyed daily contact with teenagers. Teaching participles to teenagers with their daily drama, angst, and attitudes was both a challenge and a delight. There are those students that touch your life in a significant way (if you're reading this, you know who you are)! While I thought that their parents must be terribly proud, it never occurred to me to wonder what it would be like to be one of those parents. David and I channeled our nurturing instincts into our dogs whom we we refer to as our "fur children." They are West Highland white terriers, westies, named Duncan and Brodie. Like all carefree couples we enjoyed a lifestyle that focused on us and our interests. We love to travel and have been fortunate to travel often and extensively throughout the United States and Europe. Our house is over two hundred years old and, and renovating and decorating it has been a passion. We never worried about the liquor under the kitchen sink being accessible to a child, the electical outlets being needing to be plugged with little safety gadgets, or the sharp knives in the drawer by the stove that a little girl could reach. Life was easy and comfortable with few worries.
So the big question is: What happened?
While David had mentioned adopting a little girl from China years ago, I dismissed it. Life was good; why change it? Then came the summer of 2006. There was no one big epiphany, but rather a series of little events that made me start thinking about a child of our own. They were brief, fleeting moments of really seeing for the first time a mother with her adopted daughter from a Latin American country ... a father holding his small child on his lap as the family enjoyed lunch at restaurant by the pier. It wasn't long before I was researching adoption from China on the Internet and woke David up from a deep sleep one night in July and asked, "What do you think about adopting a little girl from China?"
On July 12, 2002 we sent our application to our adoption agency (thank you, Pam for connecting us to the agency that would lead us to our girl). We were thrilled to be accepted; China's rules for adoptive parents were strict and were about to become more so. A dossier was prepared in record time and was sent from our agency to China on October 6, 2006. Our LID was October 30, 2006 (this is when you are officially recognized by the CCAA and your place "in line" is established).
The waiting began.
In the beginning we anticipated a wait of 14-18 months before we would go to China to get our daughter (at least that was the current trend). Before long, we became aware that the wait would become much longer and much more emotional than we could have ever imagined. Paperwork expired and had to be renewed, but David and I were in this for the duration. There would be a daughter, and she would be the one we were always meant to have! We kept our paperwork current, and continued on with life. We did a lot of traveling, enjoyed our friends, and did our best not to dwell on the growing wait for our daughter. I made a couple of quilts and bought a few books for our daughter, but then decided to put that on hold. We did not settle on a name or prepare a room.
Fast Forward to September 2008:
We were on the slow boat to China. Originally, we had requested a little girl between 18 months to 3 years old. The reality was that we were getting older as we were waiting for a younger child. Did this really make sense? We talked with our social worker about opening ourselves up to an older child and thought long and hard about the decision. Finally, we decided to allow our adoption agency to match us with a little girl up to 6 years old. The CCAA would then approve the match (we hoped), and we would have our daughter.
Very shortly after submitting the new paperwork to our agency, we got what adoptive parents refer to as "the call." The words, "We have a daughter for you," still dance in my head to a happy, happy tune! The agency sent her file to our e-mail, and I could see her pictures and read all about her. Before I could even wonder what she would look like, there was her picture on the screen .... breathtakingly beautiful. I discovered she can hop on one foot, she helps the younger children as if she is a big sister, she loves dolls and tea sets. To say David and I are thrilled is an understatement! We still need pre-approval (PA) from China, and we are on pins and needles waiting for it. It could be between 2-10 weeks. It feels like forever.
The PA Arrives!
China said, "YES!" Our PA arrived on September 22nd. It's time to celebrate, and we go out to dinner with dear friends who share in our joy. After a very long wait, it's time to decorate a room, learn some Chinese, buy clothes and books, and choose a name for our daughter. She will be Tessa Fudan.
The next step is the LOA (letter of approval from China). The time frame: 3-4 months our agency says. More waiting. The happy news is the wait is only a week! On Halloween we receive our LOA along with many other couples. The CCAA must have been working really hard. Our agency says we will go to China in a couple of months, but by now we know to expect anything!
On November 1st we go shopping for Tessa's bedroom furniture. We have so much to do, but we are energized. Two years of keeping everything even keel and low-toned have erupted into productive activity like our house has never seen!
Hang on Tessa, we'll be there soon!
So the big question is: What happened?
While David had mentioned adopting a little girl from China years ago, I dismissed it. Life was good; why change it? Then came the summer of 2006. There was no one big epiphany, but rather a series of little events that made me start thinking about a child of our own. They were brief, fleeting moments of really seeing for the first time a mother with her adopted daughter from a Latin American country ... a father holding his small child on his lap as the family enjoyed lunch at restaurant by the pier. It wasn't long before I was researching adoption from China on the Internet and woke David up from a deep sleep one night in July and asked, "What do you think about adopting a little girl from China?"
On July 12, 2002 we sent our application to our adoption agency (thank you, Pam for connecting us to the agency that would lead us to our girl). We were thrilled to be accepted; China's rules for adoptive parents were strict and were about to become more so. A dossier was prepared in record time and was sent from our agency to China on October 6, 2006. Our LID was October 30, 2006 (this is when you are officially recognized by the CCAA and your place "in line" is established).
The waiting began.
In the beginning we anticipated a wait of 14-18 months before we would go to China to get our daughter (at least that was the current trend). Before long, we became aware that the wait would become much longer and much more emotional than we could have ever imagined. Paperwork expired and had to be renewed, but David and I were in this for the duration. There would be a daughter, and she would be the one we were always meant to have! We kept our paperwork current, and continued on with life. We did a lot of traveling, enjoyed our friends, and did our best not to dwell on the growing wait for our daughter. I made a couple of quilts and bought a few books for our daughter, but then decided to put that on hold. We did not settle on a name or prepare a room.
Fast Forward to September 2008:
We were on the slow boat to China. Originally, we had requested a little girl between 18 months to 3 years old. The reality was that we were getting older as we were waiting for a younger child. Did this really make sense? We talked with our social worker about opening ourselves up to an older child and thought long and hard about the decision. Finally, we decided to allow our adoption agency to match us with a little girl up to 6 years old. The CCAA would then approve the match (we hoped), and we would have our daughter.
Very shortly after submitting the new paperwork to our agency, we got what adoptive parents refer to as "the call." The words, "We have a daughter for you," still dance in my head to a happy, happy tune! The agency sent her file to our e-mail, and I could see her pictures and read all about her. Before I could even wonder what she would look like, there was her picture on the screen .... breathtakingly beautiful. I discovered she can hop on one foot, she helps the younger children as if she is a big sister, she loves dolls and tea sets. To say David and I are thrilled is an understatement! We still need pre-approval (PA) from China, and we are on pins and needles waiting for it. It could be between 2-10 weeks. It feels like forever.
The PA Arrives!
China said, "YES!" Our PA arrived on September 22nd. It's time to celebrate, and we go out to dinner with dear friends who share in our joy. After a very long wait, it's time to decorate a room, learn some Chinese, buy clothes and books, and choose a name for our daughter. She will be Tessa Fudan.
The next step is the LOA (letter of approval from China). The time frame: 3-4 months our agency says. More waiting. The happy news is the wait is only a week! On Halloween we receive our LOA along with many other couples. The CCAA must have been working really hard. Our agency says we will go to China in a couple of months, but by now we know to expect anything!
On November 1st we go shopping for Tessa's bedroom furniture. We have so much to do, but we are energized. Two years of keeping everything even keel and low-toned have erupted into productive activity like our house has never seen!
Hang on Tessa, we'll be there soon!
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